The Sirens
The sea went dead. The once constant wind, which had pushed the sailors across the ocean was gone in a blink of an eye. They were hundreds of miles from shore in the middle of the Indian Ocean. They thought the hardest part of their journey to India was over, after surviving the most dangerous part of their trip around the Cape of South Africa where the sea is tumultuous and unpredictable. However, this was a terrible sign.
The oldest sailor, usually reserved, began shouting panicked orders to the others. He ran to the bottom of the ship, leaving the younger sailors confused. He resurfaced, panting with a jar of wax and the strongest ropes the ship brought. Confused, the first mate tried to establish authority and settle the situation when he said, "Hey, there is no need for those ropes, and why would we ever need wax."
The oldest sailor ignored him and began to inform the crew of the actual danger they were in. He told the story of the siren: "We are in the territory of the Sirens" He told, "They are women beautiful with songs so sweet but intentions so evil. We must plug our ears and protect ourselves."
The sailors, scared, plugged their ears with the wax and tied the old sailor to the mast so he could tell them when they were out of earshot of their song. Soon their song began, and the old man begged to be set free, but the sailors refused to cut him free, and tied him tighter, as he tried to wiggle free.
For hours they struggled, oaring with no wind, through the siren's song, until the old man stopped begging, and they were free. The wind returned, and they continued their journey to India, without casualty, this time.
Author's Note:
This story is based on the part in the Odyssey when the group encounters the Siren. I completely redid it because it is a very short part. I based it further in history during the Spice Trade of some merchants and sailors in the Indian Ocean encountering the Sirens. I did this just to be a little different and to have a little fun. Instead of Odysseus knowing what was going on, I had an old man because he had experience.
Hi Caitlin!
ReplyDeleteYour story is a solid retelling. I appreciate the way you started it off with an eerie bang by jumping right into, "the sea went dead." That's a great writing technique to pull the readers directly into the story by creating suspense with the first line. Great work!
I know we're limited to 1,000 words in this class, which can be restrictive, but I would love to see more in-depth descriptions that build up the tension. I wonder how the story would flow if the sirens were described with more depth, or if the song floated on the air or bubbled up from the sea? I love the story of the sirens anyway, so reading more about them would make me so happy!
What if you took even more creative license with this retelling and flipped it on its head? Maybe the sirens could land directly on the boat on confront the sailors, or maybe they see the three beautiful women on the cliff face, but when they round the corner of the cliff, it's revealed that they're actually just three tentacle puppets connected to a huge monster, kind of like the angler fish? You have great storytelling ability here -- I urge you to let your imagination soar for this class!
Sincerely,
Cate Howell
Hi Caitlin!
ReplyDeleteI love the suspense in the beginning, it's like the calm before the storm. I also read The Odyssey, and I like how in your retelling, the old man chooses not to use the wax so that he can hear for when they are clear of the sirens; as opposed to Odysseus wanting to hear the sirens just out of curiosity. I also never thought about how steering a ship would be much more difficult with no wind, so I appreciate you including that part in story. I look forward to reading more of your stories! :)
Hey Caitlin,
ReplyDeleteYour first paragraph does an outstanding job of grabbing a reader's attention. It also sets the tone and theme for your story. It allowed me to be drawn in and curious as to what was about to come.
I did wonder, however, why sailors had tied the older sailor up in the front. I know that he was to warn them when they got close to the sirens, but I didn't understand why he had to be tied, why he was begging to get down, or why they tightened the ropes on him. Did he not have the wax in his ears?
I do think it would have been nice if you went into a little more detail. I know you said that the actual story was rather short, but I would have liked to see more creativity and detail in there as I never read this part of the Odyssey.
Hello Caitlin!
ReplyDeleteYou created a really great retelling that is thrilling to read! It is so creative of you to retell the story during the time period when the Spice Trade was happening and with all new characters inspired by the original ones in the Odyssey. My only suggestion for your retelling would be for you to go into a bit more detail, describing why the old sailor so suddenly fears the sirens. If we pretend to be one of the younger sailors on the ship, they were not worried when the wind died and the sea calmed because they did not sense a threat to their ship or lives. However, once the old sailor started shouting at them to shove wax in their ears and avoid listening to the sirens' song, I am sure they would have wanted to know why or how their intentions were so "evil". In the same sense, a person who has not read the Odyssey or learned about the sirens would be confused on why the sailors avoided them. Overall you did a great job retelling this story in your own way and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to read it!